Early on in the pandemic when stay-at-home was still kind of a game, I took one of those pop quizzes: What Day Will You Crack Up?
May 4th was the prediction, and you know what? That seems about right!
All day yesterday, I filtered the world through a heavy mesh of despair. Absolutely nothing could pull me out of it—not the fact that summer was running a preview, not the fact that I had interesting books to read, not the fact that Mrs. Neighbor Ed—a nurse practitioner who taught at Yale!—agreed with me entirely about the clusterfuck that is covid-19 management and treatment in the U.S. of A, thereby giving me an opportunity to preen, Look how smart I am!
Not even the adorable Emotional Support Animal.
I started drinking vodka in the early evening.
I got drunk.
But that didn’t do anything for the despair.
Oddly enough, I am not at all hung over this morning.
But still feeling the despair!
So, I dunno.
I scold myself: You spoiled, entitled human! Don’t you know that this is Nature’s way of punishing humanity?
Anthropomorphization does seem to help!
And it’s true that there have been times when I did not recycle my plastic containers and plastic straws!
And those plastic containers and plastic straws carelessly discarded by moi doubtless found their way into the ocean where they choked some playful, compassionate dolphin to death!
So, you know what, Nature? Guilty as charged!
I deserve all this.
Was it a year ago I spent two magical days with smokingboot and R when they visited New York City? I think so.
We explored Coney Island in the rain! We had politically incorrect subway adventures! And we went to the Brooklyn Botanical Gardens where the cherry blossoms were not yet in bloom but the tree peonies were!
It was a grey, drizzly day, and it was exactly as if all the color in the universe had been concentrated in this one tiny corner that would only bloom—or so we were told—for three short days:
No, the photos and memories do not make me feel better. They actually make me feel worse. Because the Brooklyn Botanical Gardens are closed. Indefinitely.
Fuck this shit. Crossposted from Dreamwidth.