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I dreamed the Meezer jumped up into my lap, demanding to be cuddled.

And this was such incredibly bizarre behavior for the Meezer, in dreams or out, that when I woke up, I immediately leaped from my bed to see if she was dead even though it was 3 in the morning.

I’ve had such visitations before, although usually not in dreams. More often, I see the person in what we laughingly refer to as everyday life. Last year, for example, I saw the Former Democratic Candidate being slowly driven in a black sedan up the Vanderbilt estate path on which I was running. I thought the sedan might be a Ford Crown Victoria.

That is certainly very weird,” thought I to myself. Who knew that Doris was into funky old cars? Or that she was well enough to go for a drive?

The Former Democratic Candidate did not appear to notice me.

The following morning Ed forwarded me an email from the Hyde Park Democrats. Yep! Doris was dead. And she’d died at around the same time I’d seen her in the park.

Doris had been a passenger in the Ford Crown Victoria.

Damn! I thought. I wish I’d seen who was driving that car.


Anyway, the Meezer?

Not dead!

But I couldn’t fall back to sleep.

So, I did something you are never supposed to do if you’re seriously interested in falling back to sleep at 3 in the morning: I logged onto Facebook and began some free-associative stalking!

That sleazy, brilliant, Internet-famous lawyer I dated oh-so-briefly who may have been, in terms of pure technique, the best lover I ever had, has married at last! To a girl in her 20s, imported from Cambodia. I had lots and lots of orgasms with the lawyer, I remembered, but I kind of resented having those orgasms; I felt as though I was being wound, rather like a clock. The lawyer went on to become a dreadful alcoholic, lost a couple of prestigious think tank jobs but has earned his shot at redemption and happily-ever-after at last through his marriage to a good woman!

A writer I admire – whose modest successes include at least one New York Times bestseller, and who had once remarked to me, Oh absolutely, you can write a commercially successful novel; you have what that takes – had remarried. To a fan! A fan who is a professional psychic! (That part absolutely floored me!) His first wife, whom he’d always referred to as The English Rose, had died following a long, painful, humiliating battle with cancer. I’d never gotten the sense that their marriage was a particularly happy one although, of course, he was not in the habit of confiding in moi, so it’s not like I would have known. The haste of his new marriage surprised me. I guess he likes being married!

By this time, it was 4 in the morning, and I was on a roll!

I started stalking people I do not know, friends of friends – though the word “friend” hardly describes Facebook acquaintances, does it? And one wonders how long it will take for the word to be debased, for the Oxford English Dictionary to catalog it under its new definition: A casual social media acquaintance…

One person wrote a 2,000-word screed on the pain of being defriended on Facebook! I kid you not! Well. I didn’t actually count the words, but the thing was long.

The heartbreak. The suffering of not knowing why.

This, mind you, was not a person he’d ever met in real life. But he didn’t have a real life; he was an introvert and a depressive. All his socializing occurred on online. He seemed to be weirdly proud of this fact, or, at least, weirdly defiant: Yeah? Yeah? You gonna tell me something’s wrong with this?

And there must have been like 60 responses! All from people writing, Yes, yes, yes, my only social interactions are with online people, too! Oh, the anguish when people unfriend you on social media!

Fuck, I thought. How long again before climate change wipes out the human race entirely? Can’t come fast enough for me!


In other news, yesterday was the first Tax Bwana session of the season.

Complete clusterfuck!

The tax software servers in their secret Washington D.C. location broke down. Or rather – they didn’t altogether break down, but the software developed some sort of glitch making it very difficult to navigate between different parts of the program.

I figured it out! Yes, I did! There was a backdoor workaround I stumbled upon by trial and error. Go me!

But the rest of those volunteer tax preparers sat around discussing their golf games and whether IBM would shut down its Fishkill facility before they’d put in enough years to qualify for the good pension option. A veritable Dwight D. Eisenhower impersonator contest!

This filled me with fury! There were at least 20 clients waiting, some of whom had been waiting for hours.

“Do you want me to show you how I’m doing this?” I asked Tim, the site coordinator, who’s a nice enough guy but who was clearly in over his head.

“No, we’re going to reschedule the clients. Shut down for the day. But thanks. Clearly, you are magic.”

Clearly, I am.

For all the good it does me.

This entry was originally posted at http://mallorys-camera.dreamwidth.org/696953.html. You may leave comments on either Dreamwidth or LiveJournal if you like.


( 13 comments — Leave a comment )
Feb. 4th, 2018 05:58 pm (UTC)
Fuck, I thought. How long again before climate change wipes out the human race entirely? Can’t come fast enough for me!

Heh! Me, too! :)
Feb. 4th, 2018 05:59 pm (UTC)
The Meezer is so cute! What pretty eyes! I would hate having that cat around and not being able to caress her!
Feb. 4th, 2018 06:32 pm (UTC)
You couldn't caress the Meezer. She's really unfriendly.

She had a bad kittenhood. She was adopted by some irresponsible neighbors of mine in Monterey. They had a son who used to abuse her. Throw her down flights of stairs etc. What could I do? He wasn't my kid.

They moved out in the middle of the night -- one step in front of the creditors, I'm sure -- and dumped her.

I didn't really want another pet at that point. I had two dogs, one cat, two snakes, a guinea pig, two kids, and a husband! But I just couldn't bear to see her wandering around the garbage cans foraging for food, so after a few days, I took her in. She was probably five months old.

Robin named her Bianca Rogue, but I'm one of those people who nickname everything, and I nicknamed her The Meezer. The nickname stuck.

She's had quite a life. She traveled with me when I was traveling with the circus. I'd let her out of the RV in the morning, and she'd always find her way back to the RV around sunset even though we were always moving.

When I lived in Ithaca at a point in my life where absolutely everything had fallen apart, and my only pleasure in life was exploring the wilderness for beaver dams, I used to take 10 mile hikes with my dog Milo. And the Meezer would stalk us! Ten miles into the woods! She's really smart. And she was a great hunter, was bagging squirrels up to 2 years ago. I guess she wanted to keep up my strength so that I could open those cat food cans. :-)

She's 20 now, so she doesn't hunt anymore. In relatively good health, too, though she does that thing that old cats do: She cries a lot at night. I don't think she's in pain; I think she gets disoriented. She stops when she hears my voice. Insofar as she's capable of liking anyone, she likes me. But I don't think she's capable of liking anyone very much.
Feb. 11th, 2018 05:05 pm (UTC)
Wow! That cat's lived a lot! 20 is pretty old for a cat. It's great that you took her in. I'm sure the feeling is mutual.

Feb. 4th, 2018 06:20 pm (UTC)
Well. I can't actually think that all the time, since I have kids. :-)
Feb. 4th, 2018 07:52 pm (UTC)
Of course now I want to know who these people are. Don't tell me, though. It's not my finest hour.

"I felt as though I was being wound, rather like a clock. " Ha! I know what you mean. There's a sense of being the object of performance, with emphasis on the word "object;" you are not going to affect your lover, oh no, you are only to receive his mastery. Do not like, despite the Os.
Feb. 4th, 2018 07:59 pm (UTC)
There's a sense of being the object of performance, with emphasis on the word "object;"

Feb. 4th, 2018 09:27 pm (UTC)
Ahhh, the things we complain about sometimes...
Feb. 5th, 2018 02:17 pm (UTC)
Yeah, I know. Life is tough, and really, I shouldn't judge.

But I do.
Feb. 4th, 2018 09:28 pm (UTC)
Nice cat!
Feb. 5th, 2018 02:18 pm (UTC)
Thanks! She is a pretty girl.
Feb. 5th, 2018 03:24 am (UTC)
Say hi to Meezer for me. I miss seeing her around. (I don't think the local squirrel population shares that sentiment though)
Feb. 5th, 2018 02:16 pm (UTC)
Will do!

Her squirrel-hunting days are behind her: She's 20 now! Still loves to eat and play with her laser tag. But sleeps 21 hours out of 24.
( 13 comments — Leave a comment )