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September 19th, 2018

The Borking of Brett Kavanaugh

Brett Kavanaugh did not impress me when I listened to the Judiciary Committee’s confirmation hearings on NPR.

I mean that he did not impress me positively, and he did not impress me negatively. He was a nothing. A complete nonentity. A burp from the rumen and reticulum of the Patriarchy. A white man molded from privilege like a butter statue at the Wisconsin State Fair.

Plus I have extreme misgivings about whether a President under investigation for treason should be allowed to nominate a Supreme Court justice in the first place.

Nevertheless, this whole 11th hour derailment of the confirmation process fills me with consternation.

I am really fucking tired of being told I must stand on one side or another of the lines various maneuvering politicians are drawing in the sand.

I have no idea whether Kavanaugh groped the redoubtable Dr. Ford at a drunken party when they were both 15.

If he did, I guess my feeling is, So fucking what?

Bad behavior on the part of the boyZ? Well, sure.

Certainly very common behavior, however.

Everything inside me just loathes this practice of applying today’s behavioral standards to incidents that took place 36 years ago. Hello! The past is a foreign country; they do things differently there.

I happily embrace the concept of a zero point in time! From now on, no 15-year-old boy gets to grope a girl at a party. From now on, the rule of consent prevails.

But this whole weird retroactive policing reminds me a bit of the Victorians dressing up the naughty bits of Greek statuary in crinoline petticoats.

It’s the mark of a self-righteous, reactionary culture.

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That said, if the allegation turns out to be true, and the behavior can be proven to be part of a pattern of behavior, then yes, Kavanaugh should be disqualified.

The operative word there being “proven.”

And, no. Unsubstantiated allegations are not proof.

Apparently, nobody in the #MeToo movement has either read or seen a live performance of The Crucible.

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The other highly annoying thing about this whole thing is that it’s such an obvious ploy on the part of the Democrats to derail a process whose outcome they don't like. A blatant power play!

To my mind, Democrats are only marginally more palatable than Republicans at this point. They are not the good guys.

When God finishes testing me and lifts me from my present humble circumstances to assume my rightful position as World Dictator, I swear I’m gonna line them all up against a wall and shoot them. Bam! Bam! Bam! No blindfolds! No cigars!

I heard Maizie Hirono on NPR yesterday say (words to the effect): And if Brett Kavanaugh is confirmed, every woman in America is going to rise up against it and protest!!!

And I thought, Not me, be-atch!

One of the only interesting things about Brett Kavanaugh, by the way, is that while both were on the U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals for the District of Columbia, he and Merrick Garland voted the same way more than 90% of the time.

Merrick Garland, of course, is swathed in the rosy pink aura of Obama Nomination, and he does appear to lean left on gun rights and abortion. I’m wondering why Democrats assume Kavanaugh wouldn’t too, although of course, I am way too lazy to look that up.

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This is almost certainly gonna blow up in the Democrats’ face.

The smart thing for Republicans to do at this point, of course, would be to have the goon squad persuade Kavanaugh that he needs to spend more time with his family. He steps down; five minutes later, Amy Coney Barrett’s nomination is announced.

I don’t think Amy Coney Barrett groped any girls at drunken high school parties; furthermore, her ideas about abortion are a lot more inflexible than Kavanaugh’s. Though she did tell the student newspaper at the University of Notre Dame where she once taught, "The fundamental element, that the woman has a right to choose abortion, will probably stand.” Note her intriguing use of that word “probably.”

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